Mandii vs the World

Anyone ever feel like EDS makes you prone to losing really important relationships and touch with the real world? 

Sometimes I feel like it’s trying to kill all of my friendships and aspirations and hobbies as much as its trying to kill me. My mood swings are enough to make people want to stay away at least ten feet, and the rest of the time I’m too difficult and too selfish to even have a conversation with. I’m selfish and I’m apathetic and I’m mean and I’m rude. Sometimes I ignore people just because I don’t want to talk to people, but never clear up with them that it’s not their fault. Sometimes I don’t feel happy for other people’s aspirations because sometimes I can’t feel happy at all. 

Sometimes I can switch so quickly from happy to sad to angry to miserable to selfish to apathetic and I can’t even keep up with it. I have so much crap that I don’t always realize that the people around me have problems too and I just feel so bad because I hate this and I wish others didn’t go through it. 

I can’t tell if when I can’t get out of the bed in the morning it’s from the EDS or the sheer lack of motivation. 

I used to be a great student. Now I’m getting B’s and missing deadlines and not even trying anymore. I’m just so sick of it. 

I used to be such an inspired girl and now I can’t even respond to texts messages without freaking out.

The brain fog has made me feel so out of it that sometimes the entire day can go by without me realizing. My friends tell me important things and I can barely remember them. I cry so hard that I can breath and my chest aches and my ribs bruise. I can’t even fricken cry without being affected by this ugly sickness. 

For once in my life I wish I could be normal. I just want to go a day without feeling like shit. 

I hate what this has made me.